What are We Made For?
Have you seen the Barbie movie? My kids wanted to see it as soon as it showed in Jakarta. I was curious but not that excited because I liked Simu Liu and wanted to see his next movie after Shang-Chi. While the message may be good, I can barely remember the lines in the movie. No offense to those who loved it, of course. Perhaps it was generation gap. While the movie didn’t have any impact on me, there was one song that I liked a lot.
I used to float, now I just fall down
I used to know but I'm not sure now
What I was made for
What was I made for?
Moving from Singapore to Jakarta was not that simple. We left a place I was so familiar with and work that I thrived in- despite some challenges. Now coming into our fifth year in Indonesia- we’ve moved house and schools 3 times (counting their homeschool which we started during the pandemic). I can’t say that everything was perfectly planned because if I’m being honest our second move might have been unnecessary. Although surely we all made impulsive decisions and purchases during covid, right? Despite all these mistakes I am forever grateful for grace. It wasn’t the only time God has turned our mistakes into something beautiful. The kids loved our Brassia home the most, and we really turned that place into a beautiful and cozy home where we welcomed friends and family, hosted playdates, and somehow inspired them to create their own cozy rentals too!
At the beginning of this year, we moved to South Jakarta. Primarily for ease on travel for my husband as the post pandemic traffic has gotten worse and his travel time from SCBD to BSD has changed from 1 to almost 2 hours. So here we are, post covid and the kids started regular school too. The doubts and apprehensions they had prior to first day of school were all wiped out within the first week. They were so happy to make friends and actually be back in school. I on the other hand, feel a like the dumped ex-girlfriend eating lunch all alone at home. However, it’s one parent assembly after another plus scheduling the kids activities one after another.
So here I am into the 2nd month, looking for a job. After almost 5 years of not working- not an easy feat. A 46 year old mother of 3, who took a 4 year break from work, and absolutely no experience working in Indonesia. However I feel like I must be doing something more than just cook lunch and dinner everyday. Surely there's something more? Another reason I want to get back to work is because my parents are not getting any younger, and if you're Asian- especially Filipino- you know what I’m talking about. However, the main reason why I feel like I should be helping out with the finances is that I want both Justin and myself to be able to invest more for our future and our children too. While we are financially stable right now, there is no telling what the future holds and I want to be able to do my fair share while I still can.
So it's only been a few weeks since I've started to actively applying for jobs and I am getting antsy to the point that my husband has been getting the brunt of my stress. However, little by little I am learning to trust God for whatever he plans for me. While I want to pursue creative pursuits, I am weighing all the pros and cons. However, ultimately it’s all in His hands now.
Once again I find myself questioning what I am meant to do. Truly I feel like being a mother was the ultimate reason for my being. However, there is this yearning to be something more. Which is why I am back here, writing. I feel like I keep going back to this space. It seems like I cannot let go- so I guess I must make the most out of this space right now. In the meantime, I will write. As this provides an outlet for me to share my thoughts without inhibition. It allows me to document the mundane and yet hopefully connect with likeminded individuals. If you’re a mother in such crossroads, or maybe a woman in your 40s looking for something new. I’d love to hear from you. What have you been doing? If you’re in Jakarta, I would love to connect!
In the meantime, just some snaps from home lately.
