Dearest Mommy,

Dearest Mommy,

We’re celebrating Mother’s Day apart this year. We were planning to have you come and visit us right around this time but I guess that’s not happening anytime soon. We’ve been living apart so 14 years now- but I am beyond grateful that you are always around for milestones in my marriage. Your fragile exterior betrays the fact that you have been there for us when we gave birth to our children, you stayed strong despite unfortunate circumstances you may be going through at any given point in time, despite your fears and weakness- I always see you give yourself a good cry and rise above it all. So you can get us through it.

We don’t live together but when you do come to visit, I remember how Daddy, Kuya and Ate would warn me not to pick a fight with you. I guess our personalities clash- but instead of me bowing down to your wishes, you keep quiet and hold your tongue. Oh so much has changed over the years! I remember how strict you were and how I would always get scolded for oh so many things. I wasn’t as good as my siblings and I was always, always crossing the line (what line is that anyway??) - and now that I am a mother. Now I understand! The kids are a lot better than I was as a child- but oh my temper gets the best of me at times. All these were part and parcel of growing up, and we laugh about it now. What I remember the most is when you put me to sleep with “ants on my face”, which was essentially your dainty fingers lightly crawling on my face and stroking my hair, gently caressing me to sleep. You still do it up to now- and although I don’t say anything- please know that I absolutely look forward to it.

Thank you for letting me get most of the stray cats we find outside out home, for letting me skip ballet lessons and take up art when you saw me sketching more than dancing, for being understanding despite my rebellious ways when I was a teen. I know it got harder to accept my choices as I grew older- like when I chose to work for a start-up instead of Rustan’s (her favourite department store in Manila! Mine too!). When I got a job in Singapore and decided to try it out. Or when I chose to get married in Christian rites- I know your heart broke but you were there for me- every step of the way. There are so many things I’ve seen you do for us and they don’t go unnoticed. And you always answer with- “I don’t need anything else, baby. I am your mom. That’s what moms do.”

I know I don’t really keep in touch as often as I should, but know that you and Daddy are always in our thoughts and prayers. And yes, I know that writing you this love letter on Mother’s Day is cheating, but I do hope it makes up for the past few weeks of small talks and viber chats. I look forward to better days ahead and pray that you stay healthy and sane throughout these trying times. We love you, Mama.

I love you.

Happy Mother’s Day!

*gif by my beloved Raffaela Paz